Trying to break through my stubborn money blocks!

Viewing 6 reply threads
  • Author
    Posts
    • zhayra.palma
      Participant
      Post count: 6

      Hi Kelley,

      Thank you so much for everything you do, your astrology videos have helped me so much and your authenticity has made an significant impact in how I see my creative self.

      I am very interested in the upcoming module surrounding money blocks… I think my particular situation has many layers but I’ll try to start somewhere… I’m a very passionate, inspired and life affirming being. I have a great sense of humor and I am generally full of hope. I’ve really struggled income-wise for a long time. I was an escort for a long time (over 10 years) and left the business just over 6 years ago. I cannot tell you how much I’ve paddled upstream since. Once upon a time I made a lot of money, I felt abundant and I helped my family and everyone close to me whenever I could. But since making the choice to leave I have had a really hard time getting grounded in something else. I am a late degree cancer rising (27º Cancer) and I know there have been some hard transits for us cancers in the last 7 years. Pluto and now Saturn have been transiting my 6th house and dear god Uranus is now halfway through my 10th house. It all make sense on some level but I really miss making money and feeling independent. Maybe what I’ve been going through has been a purge. But after I left escorting I worked as a nanny, bartender, hostess, server, tea maker, cat sitter, editor, copy writer, writing coach, personal assistant and intern of so many kinds… basically it’s been all over the place and then I entered a toxic (abusive) relationship where he pretty much made me feel awful for being in my 30s and not “having my shit together,” and yet he was a part of the problem in tearing me down. Thankfully I left that relationship but it’s taken me a couple of years to fully recover and I am just now feeling like I am coming out the other side from all of that. I am filled with hope again and I am starting to feel like my creative self once more. In the process of healing from that relationship I have learned how to love and value myself more. And I am starting to remember and value all the ways I have always been creative and powerful. I think in the past I have been afraid of my own power- which I am still discovering. And I have often shut down when I sense that people really see me. It’s like I don’t really see me, so when others see me as powerful it scares me. Part of my blocks in the past have also been that I associated working with being trapped in a low wage job where I was not valued and had no control of my schedule and therefore life. This is one of the main reasons I started escorting and stayed in it for so long. But I’ve started to work through that story and have realized that I could be as excited about work as I am about a personal project. I have just never had the opportunity to be paid or valued for something I find interesting, fun, or worth wile. All of my work outside of escorting has been low-wage work where I have been treated in ways that feel demeaning.

      So I acknowledge that I have some blocks and some of them I might be more conscious of than others. But one huge block I know I have is that because I have been out of stable/consistent work for so long- I catch myself thinking this will be a very difficult thing to change and turn around. And then I get overwhelmed at the thought of getting started. I sometimes feel that it will take a huge effort to shift my circumstance, like maybe I am a lost cost because I am so out of practice when it comes to work. Also I wish I heard more stories about people who’ve been unemployed for many many years but still turned it around. I have done so much internal work in the last year and a half to uproot my blocks around money and I have shifted from feeling like a victim and poor (I grew up very poor) to feeling so grateful for everything I’ve been able to have and experience despite making little to no money for such a long time. It really is incredible. Still I desire to be done with this phase of my life and get back to work and earning income. I am concerned that some of my money blocks are subconscious and I am not able to see them and shift them. There is my old story that this will take a long long time.

      Thank you for any insight you or anyone else may have. I welcome all thoughts, pragmatic or otherwise. I trust that this is a safe space to share what I have. I look forward to breaking through these obstacles and sharing my gifts with this wild world. I will try to be more vocal on this forum since I have gotten so much from reading and I want to honor that intention.

      Much love to you all gorgeous goddesses,

      Zhayra

    • Kelley
      Keymaster
      Post count: 101

      Dear Zhayra:

      Thank you for sharing your journey. We all have money blocks. Even when you have millions of dollars you will have money blocks. These layers of bad experiences, bad information, and false beliefs have been with us since the dawn of time. And that they started in our childhood and past lives. One thing I got when reading your message is that there is an unconscious belief that a woman’s worth is between her legs. You may still be holding the false belief that your worth your money is in selling your sexuality. this is what women have been told forever and it is still the main message today. There is a great show on AMC called “Dietland”. I recommend every sister-babe watch Dietland followed by the show that talks about what is being presented in Dietland called “Unapologetic.” One of the Dietland messages and follows the “#metoo movement” is that our worth is in how fuckable we are. I am going to make this homework for our next coaching call on Monday.

      The transits are liberating you from the past. Do not give up on your progress. The past does not equal the future. Your future is determined by the choices you make today. Your homework is to tell a new story of how you want your life to be. Tell it using your feelings. You are getting on a new path. The universe wants you abundant. Develop staying power in what path you choose. Big hugs, Love, Kelley

    • zhayra.palma
      Participant
      Post count: 6

      Wow Kelley, your intuition is spot on!! Right after I read your message I saw the last 15 years of my life flash before my eyes. Of course I never consciously walked into escorting thinking I was only worth my sex or sexuality. I was young and it was actually one way that I dealt with all the misogyny, cat calling, harassment, and workplace discrimination I experienced. As a young woman I attracted a lot of men and experiences that made me feel sexualized, and like I was some kind of candy or enjoyment for others. I remember always resenting and even hating this. When men gave me compliments it never made me feel beautiful. It felt violating. It also taught me that I would only ever be wanted or noticed if men found me attractive or desirable in some way. It actually felt way better to get paid and compensated for the time men wanted from me.

      I haven’t worked as an escort in years but since I’ve attracted two relationships back to back with men who swore to the heavens that I was the most amazing, brilliant woman they had ever met and I was all they wanted. But both eventually took off with women who were 10 plus years younger than we were. It completely makes sense that if I was holding on to a belief that I can only attract a man if I am “attractive.” That I would attract men that are looking for someone to ogle over- they were really just hunting and treated finding a partner like shopping for a new exciting toy.

      I am so ready to let this go and be free of the burden of wanting to look appealing to anyone but myself. I am ready for a partner who I can connect with on a sincere level, who is not looking for someone to find “desirable” but who is mature and is willing to put in the time and love to cultivate intimacy and a partnership. But also I am absolutely loving being single and having this time in my life just for me.

      I did end up watching an episode of dietland and unapologetic and it is speaking to me 🙂 Thank you for this homework. I took myself on a walk and have been visioning and feeling my new life <3

      with love,

      Zhayra

    • Kelley
      Keymaster
      Post count: 101

      This is a brilliant breakthrough for you Zhayra. Remember you are powerful. Own your power. Your time is now. Shine on and enjoy the relationship your having with you. It is the biggest relationship of your life. Big hugs,

    • kiyajendayi
      Participant
      Post count: 2

      Before I moved to NY I had a good credit rating, savings, and credit. I’d been saving money that was earned from a second job. Now somehow I’ve fallen into this rut where there is never enough and I’m scrambling to pay my expenses.

      What I’ve been doing is buying small things, cookie/coffee, taco, lunch at the Thai place.

      I’ll procrastinate and end up making all of my product to the last minute. Or even if most of it is made I’ll still somehow end up dragging the last thing completely out and rushing to get to my events.

      I am often running late. Am always under estimating the actual time required to complete a task.

      The logic behind the snacks I tell myself is to get me out of the house, which is partially true.

      I really want to get out of this bad cycle.

      I’m also not consistently motivated. It’s happening in spurts. Then I get so preoccupied with producing that I neglect following up on leads and trying to find new business.

      I’d finally started to gain momentum as if been getting more work from the catering company I free lance with, so able to bring in more income. Then I’m taken off all of my parties for refusing to sign a legal waiver that says I cannot sue for wages/class action.

      So I say is the universe trying to tell me to work more at my own business???

      I’m frustrated because I have been investing into the business and securing necessary product and equipment. Somehow I still don’t feel that the business is progressing. I have applied for more events and will do the work to look at my costing.

      Last thing is insay I should be able to buy a coffee and lunch and not feel guilty and the problem is that I need to have more income.

      I still have clothes and shoes that are in great shape. However I cannot remember the last time I went shopping and bought myself something new. I feel like my wardrobe is outdated.

      The biggest thing is that I interact with many counterparts who do well and are accomplished. I’m somewhat attracted to a young guy (not sure if it’s his spirit or just him) however I say to myself, I need my teeth cleaned and repaired, my credit isn’t good, and my apartment shabby.

      How do you feel good about yourself and dating when you know that you have physical things that need attention

      Long message!!!

    • Kelley
      Keymaster
      Post count: 101

      Kiya, men never hold themselves back from dating with all of their imperfections. Be your beautiful self and the right guy will be attracted to you. Remember that your soul mate is looking for you too.

      “So I say is the universe trying to tell me to work more at my own business???” Yes, that is how the universe, aka Your Mighty I Am Presence is nudging your along your rightful path. The universe wants you creative and abundant.

      Remember your art biz is like a child it has to learn to crawl before it can walk and walk before it can run and run before it can rid its bike. Stay committed to your talent and biz, this will pay off for you in the long term. Money is currency. Currency is energy. It flows to you and away from you. Your actions determine how much you can receive. Are you set up to receive money? Are you taking the right actions that keep the currency flowing towards you? Suggested money mantra (say it, write it, feel it, own it.) “I love money because I am a badass, moneymaking machine.”

    • Jennique
      Participant
      Post count: 74

      “I LOVE MONEY BECAUSE I AM A BADASS, MONEYMAKING MACHINE!!!”

      Zhayra and Kıya – you are both completely incredible women!!! Thank you so much for your vulnerability, truly inspiring!!!

Viewing 6 reply threads
  • You must be logged in to reply to this topic.