Step 1.  Evaluate what is going on in the situation before getting involved.

Step 2.  Label the behavior.

Step 3.  Give up magical thinking. (He or she will change).

Step 4.  Be detached. (Do not hit the person back with the same bad behavior)

stay plugged in (be present).

Step 5.  Take a time out if needed.

Step 6.  Develop a strategy.  Experiment do something different. Difficult people continue the behavior that is reinforced. It gets worse before it gets better.  When people see the old ways, behaviors, patterns are no longer pushing your buttons. They will change. Stimulus response, “watch for what makes you reactionary.”  Stop, sit and breathe. Take your time responding in a manner that is appropriate for you. Do what empowers you. Handle difficult people in a new way that will bring you what you want and not what you do not.

Step 7.  Change your self. Give up magical thinking of changing others. Your power lies within and how you choose to use that power. You cannot change other people only yourself. No one can do anything to you unless you allow him or her. This is how you give your power away.

Step 8. Cut people out of your life. Raise your standards in your relationships.

Step 9.  Love you more than the need to please others. You do not need to keep anyone   in your life that is difficult or negative. Without you, what do we have? You are the most important person in your life. Love you.

Step 10. Do not be a difficult or negative person. This will never bring you what you want.


Difficult people are often times a bully. Bullies have low self-esteem.  When you are tired, stressed, run down, difficult people can smell out your weaknesses and go for the kill. Predators live to attack the weak.  Create life/work balance. Be in good health and rested. This keeps you well protected in any unforeseen event at work and/or with family members. Those folks that love to be difficult, complaining and/or negative.  Complaining gets you nowhere fast.  It just creates more of the same.  Worse, complaining brings you what you do not want. Avoid becoming a difficult person yourself. Take 100% responsibility for your happiness. Forgive others. Send out empathy. Do not feed resentment and anger.


One strategy is appreciation. Think of all the things that make you feel thankful.  What is working in your life?  What is one thing you can find that you like about the difficult person? Do you want to stay in your current position? When you focus on the positive traits or behavior in the difficult person, you create empathy and good feelings.  Creating good will does expand more of what you desire. This helps to mitigate the negative. The whole reason you are here in life is feel good. When you feel good, you radiate joy and peace. This will attract positive people and opportunities to you.  Get in the feeling good state of mind. You will be restored back to your original state of nature. This is a good feeling person. Protect yourself from those that would hurt your feelings.  Do what is right for you. It is right for everyone else.  Finally, the power is always with the one who acts.  Not with the one who reacts. Reacting makes you powerless.  Take the appropriate action that serves you.