The 10 areas that you will be working on are:
1. Clearing Unresolved Matters
2. Restoring Your Integrity
3. Getting All of Your Needs Met
4. Extending Your Boundaries
5. Raising Your Personal Standards
6. Eliminating What You Are Tolerating
7. Coming from Positives
8. Resolving Key Family Relationships
9. Developing A Supportive Community
10. Re-orienting Around Your Core Values
1. CLEARING UNRESOLVED MATTERS
Past Experiences – what we did, didn’t do, should have done, did poorly or wrongly — is always with us in some way. In this section, you get clear with the past, doing what you can, and letting go of the rest. You are not your past, yet may still be living as if you are. The past does not equal the future. When clearing unresolved matters with the past, a person. Feels Free of what they’ve done, yet responsible for it all:
–Can be with themselves, as they are today. No compensating.
–Is able to set their goals and reach them more easily
What happens when one isn’t clear:
–Continues to repeat it in some new way.
–Is reacting to life’s Unresolved Matters, instead of flowing with them.
The 10 Steps To Clearing Unresolved Matters are:
–Develop strong compassion for yourself: “Get” that we always do our best, even when we know we aren’t.
–Come to see how staying unresolved with someone or something in your past gives you unhealthy energy.
–Come to recognize the six signs of being unresolved:
Regret, Remorse, Shame, Anger, Denial, Continuing Sadness.
–Make a list of at least 50 things that you have unresolved and start working down that list until it is at zero!
–Make a list of the 10 actions you took against others or lies you told; then communicate them fully.
–On your “clearing” conversations, expect nothing of the other person; it’s about you clearing, not their response.
–Start doing “the maximum in work” in your tasks, conversations, actions, so that nothing comes back to bite you for 5 years.
–With someone you really trust, share the 5 things about you that you feel worst about and/or are your biggest secrets.
–Make 5 changes to prevent Unresolved Matters from occurring.
B. RESTORE INTEGRITY
To be our best, we must be whole: that is, be responsible for our actions and inactions, respond fully to the lessons being offered to us, honor our bodies and our selves and respect the realities of the physical universe. Integrity is our spiritual backbone.
When a person is “in integrity”:
–He/she experiences fewer problems.
–Consistent feelings of peace, health, and emotional balance are present.
–He/she reacts to others very little.
What happens when one is “out of integrity”?
–Disturbances occur regularly.
–Others are blamed, criticized; one reacts a lot to others.
The 10 Steps To Restoring Integrity Wholeness:
–Make a list of the 10 ways you are currently not in integrity.
–Get to the source of each and every item; resolve all fully.
–Dedicate yourself to start living in integrity, as you see it.
–Let go of at least 10 shoulds, coulds, woulds, oughts, wills.
–Involve a coach or other strong, able person to help you.
–Start getting 50% more reserves (time, love, money, and space.) than you feel you need.
–Stop hanging out with people who are not the best models.
–Eliminate adrenaline and other unhealthy “rushes” in your life.
–Let go of everything that you know is not good for you.
C. GET YOUR NEEDS MET
We know we all need air, water, shelter, love, food – These are our physical needs. But what about our Personal Needs? These are things we must have to be ourselves but somehow have not been able to get “enough” of. Now, it is possible to do.
When a person is getting their needs fully met:
–They have room and love for other people; no competing.
–Dramatic sense of self-confidence without arrogance.
–Wants naturally decrease No compulsions, musts.
What happens when one’s needs are not met?
–Much time is wasted trying to get needs partially met.
–One attracts needy people.
The 10 Steps To Getting Your Needs Met
–Identify your top 4 Personal Needs using the Be NeedLess Program.
–Ask 4 special people to each meet one need fully.
–Train, manage and coach them to do so until done right.
–“Get” that Personal Needs are fully satisfiable.
–“Get” that people who love you will meet your needs.
–See the difference between neediness and needs satisfaction.
–When true, assert that your Personal Needs are met.
–Extend a Boundary that will help you satisfy two needs.
D. EXTEND BOUNDARIES
Boundaries are imaginary lines we establish around ourselves to protect our souls, hearts, and minds from the unhealthy or damaging behavior of others. It is recommended to extend your boundaries at least two or three times beyond where they are.
When a person has healthy boundaries:
–Fear diminishes significantly; trust is rarely an issue.
–Willing, healthy family members & true friends respect these.
–They start growing more emotionally and developmentally.
What happens when one’s boundaries are weak?
–We attract needy, disrespectful people into their lives.
–We waste much energy to keep life going.
The 10 Steps To Having Extensive Boundaries
–“Get” that you need to dramatically extend your boundaries.
–Be willing to educate others on how to respect your new ones.
–Be relentless, yet not punitive, as you extend boundaries.
–Make a list of the 10 things that people may no longer do around you, do to you, or say to you.
–Sit down with each person involved and share with them your process here; get an agreement to honor you.
–Require that every single person in your life is always unconditionally constructive in every single comment to you: No more digs, make-funs, deprecating remarks, criticisms. No matter what or who or the situation!
–Have and use a 4-step plan of action whenever someone violates your boundaries:
1) Inform them what they are doing, 2) Implore they stop immediately, 3) Require that they stop, 4) Walk away without any snappy or get-even comments.
–Make a list of 10 ways you are violating others’ boundaries.
–Stop violating the boundaries on that list.
–Reward; congratulate those who are respecting boundaries.
E. RAISE STANDARDS
Personal Standards refer to the behavior and actions you are willing to hold yourself to. You’ll find as you work on areas 1-4 of the A Strong You Program that you’ll much more easily expect (and enjoy) more of yourself and your behavior. When a person has and honors high standards:
–They feel very, very good about themselves, and others, too.
–They become irresistibly attractive to high-quality people.
–They don’t get near people/situations that cause problems.
What happens when one’s standards are too low
–Continues to operate “below the line” emotionally.
–Self-esteem drops; self-worth is questioned.
The 10 Steps To Raising Personal Standards
–Make a list of 10 people you admire: identify the qualities, natural behavior, and how they handle tough situations and people. What standards could you raise that would have you be more like them, yet still fit you, today?
–Start being unconditionally constructive every single time you open your mouth, yet still say all you need to say.
–Stop gossiping, good or bad, about anyone.
–Let go of the standards you “should” have; make a list of the 10 standards you most want and are ready for today.
–“Get” that standards are a choice, not a requirement.
–Fully respond to everything that occurs in your “space”; assume you had something to do with it, but don’t take the “blame.” Just handle it and raise your standards so it doesn’t happen again.
–Always: Put people and relationships ahead of results.
–Always: Put your integrity first, needs second, wants third.
–“Get” that others are right, and so are you.
–Always: Maintain a reserve of time, money, love, health, and well-being.
F. STOP TOLERATING
Humans tolerate a lot. Often, we’re taught not to complain, that life is difficult, not to rock the boat, to go along with others, to be grateful for what we have, to be understanding. Not bad advice, but we can still stop tolerating what is bugging us!
When a person has stopped tolerating:
–They are happier, more fun to be around.
–They have extra energy to express their values vs. their egos.
–They have the Edge: they “step-over” nothing.
What happens when one tolerates?
–They and their work become mediocre; people are tired.
–Natural creativity is squashed.
The 10 Steps To A Toleration-Free Life
–“Get” that putting up with things is good for no one.
–Make a list of 10 things you are tolerating at home.
–Make the requests/take the actions to eliminate these items.
–Make a list of 10 things you are tolerating at work.
–Take the actions to eliminate these items.
–“Get” that you’re getting juiced by tolerating things!
–Be focused on being toleration-free.
–Stop complaining: instead, make a strong plea.
–Invest $1000 to handle the tasks/chores that pain you.
–Do steps 1-9 above, again, after you’ve done them once!
G. COME FROM POSITIVES
There is a wonderful feeling that comes from making the shift from the problems in life to “getting” that life is pretty good. This shift may take time, and development be patient with your process.
When a person comes from a positive place in life:
–They still live in reality but choose to live a better way.
–They create more positive things happening to them.
What happens until one makes this shift?
–Nothing is good enough, especially oneself.
–Problems are attracted, like bees to honey.
The 10 Shifts To Make To Come From This Place
–From not enough to being enormously grateful, always.
–From having problems to being a PFZ (problem-free zone)
–From just getting by to having a healthy reserve of time, love, money, and space.
–From fighting, resisting, denying the circumstances, problems, and disturbances in life to realizing that you had a lot to do with whatever is happening.
–From doubting yourself to trusting your inklings/intuition.
–From being complacent to making the choice to be fully alive.
–From being passive, waiting, to always initiating, being at cause, and creating your life.
–From putting others first to becoming healthfully Selfish.
–Recognizing that when you do what is right for you, it is right for everyone else.
–From thinking you’re alone to developing a relationship with God, Self, Spirit, Soul (or the term you wish).
H. STRENGTHEN FAMILY
Family, whether biological or chosen, is an important part of a Strong Foundation. Why? Because we need to know we belong, that we are loved, that we can afford to take risks in life because we know there are key people behind and with us.
When a person has a strong family:
–More needs are met, automatically.
–Values are expressed more often.
What happens if one doesn’t have a strong family?
–One doubts oneself more often.
The 10 Steps To Strengthening Your Family
–“Get” that families are people, not perfect, probably learning how to be better, not there to give you everything you deserve or need; they need love and support from you.
–I’ve done everything possible to restore any family relationships that hurt me. It is okay with me not to spend time with family members who pain me.
–I have owned up to my role in problems between me and other family members.
–I operate from choice vs. obligation or duty when doing things for my family.
–I have nothing negative/unresolved with any of my children.
–I have nothing negative/unresolved with my spouse/mate.
–I have nothing negative/unresolved with an ex.
–I have nothing negative/unresolved with a parent.
–I have nothing negative/unresolved with a relative.
–I have nothing negative/unresolved with a sibling.
I. STRONG COMMUNITY
Nothing worth doing is worth doing alone. Given that, it helps to have a strong personal and professional community; people you can share your love, life, dreams, and concerns with to a level of intimacy once reserved for family. When a person has a strong community:
–Well-rounded, well-connected, reserve in case of trouble.
–Expands their personal and professional horizons.
–Moves in new, more rewarding directions.
What happens if one doesn’t have a community:
–Relies excessively on family members to meet needs.
–Misses out on opportunities for personal/professional growth.
The 10 Steps To Developing A Community
–I have a best friend. –I have a soul mate.
–I have at least 10 social friends who I enjoy.
–I have a successful professional network of at least 25 folks.
–I contribute daily (in some way) to people in my community.
–I am loved by people in my community.
–My friends are happy and healthy; they don’t “need” me.
–I feel good enough about myself to be part of a community.
–I actively seek out people whose company I enjoy.
–I can and do say “no” to people who want to be a part of my community, but with whom I do not feel comfortable.
J. RE-ORIENT ON VALUES
As you strengthen your foundation you’ll find yourself having a lot more time, energy, and space in your life. What to do with this? Start fully expressing yourself by setting goals based on your core values.
When a person orients around their values:
–Goal setting is easier and goals are reached more quickly.
–Their life purpose/vision comes to them clearly.
–Fewer distractions occur; life is simple, but rich.
What happens until one does this?
–Frustrated in goals area; lacking strong reference point in life.
–Goals, wants, ideas keep changing.
The 10 Steps To Fully Expressing Your Values
– “Get” that you are your Core Values and that expressing these values is what will have you feel fulfilled in life.
-“Get” that goals are more fun when linked to your Values.
-Identify 10 key Core Values: Set 1 goal to match each value.
-Let go of goals that can’t be linked with your core values.
-Begin working on each of these 10 goals immediately.
-Reach each of these 10 goals.
-Identify your Number 1 Value: Your Key Value.
-Raise a Personal Standard through the roof in order to help you more fully orient around your key value.” ~ Coach University
Love and Peace,
You Can Download The Personal Foundation PDF file here: