Sometimes even what’s right in front of us can be so hard to see. Last week I was talking with a friend. I was asking for advice on how to deal with a family situation. I had been worrying and upset about it for weeks. I spent about twenty minutes getting all my frustrations out while my friend listened patiently. When I finally stopped venting, she looked at me dead in the eyes and said, “Did you tell them how you feel?”
At that moment, I felt mad, silly, and relieved all at once. I had been stewing over this issue for so long! I was angry that my friend thought my problem was so easy to fix. In my head, I had built the issue up to be this giant beast. Surely, I didn’t waste all this time worrying over something so easily fixed, right?
After I calmed down for a minute, I also felt silly that I didn’t see the solution myself. Once I thought about it, I saw that it did boil down to nothing more than a communication issue. And, of course, I was relieved that there actually might be a solution at hand.
The truth is we all have blind spots. I don’t mean your eyeballs. I’m talking about how we may be sabotaging ourselves and not know that we are doing it. For me it came down to a simple conversation with a trusted friend. That my lesson, I have been repeating is that the people in my life are not mind readers. And if I don’t teach them how to treat me, that is to ask for what I need, they’re not the problem I AM!
In my last blog, I talked about being true to yourself in relationships. It’s essential to discover who you are before you can be someone else’s “better half.”
Once you can fully embrace yourself – flaws and all – you can truly begin to build healthy relationships. Whether you ordered one of my relationship reports, or just sat down to do some personal reflection. I hope that you spent some time getting to know yourself.
Bring awareness to how you react in certain situations. Start to take note of what you like and dislike from your partner. What positive and negative vibes do you bring into a relationship?
This self-knowledge brings me to my next lesson – a lesson I was just recently reminded about. SHOW people how to best care for you.
No one is a mind reader. Not your significant other, not your kids, not your parents, not your friends.
From now on…
- If you need something, communicate it.
- If you don’t like something, don’t accept it.
- If you’re not feeling true to yourself, you need to stand up for yourself and let others know.
If you don’t stand up for yourself and speak your truth, no one else will.
If you’re stuck in a relationship feeling like you deserve more, stop accepting less. It’s that simple.
People are lazy. I don’t say this to sound harsh, but it’s mostly true. People will give what is expected of them, in jobs and in relationships. If you’ve set the expectation that something is acceptable, then that’s usually what you’ll get.
So, here’s how you change: speak your mind.
If you were hoping for dinner and a movie on Valentine’s Day but didn’t even get a card, SAY SOMETHING. It doesn’t have to be a fight, but make it clear that next year, you expect more. Or set a date for a do-over this year and tell your partner what’s expected.
There is so much anguish and unhappiness that could be fixed by clear communication.
Some of you may already live this way, and I applaud you. Yay you! Keep up the great work.
But for those of you that don’t, practice makes progress. It might be second nature just to accept what comes your way. Start by reflecting at the end of each day. Was there any time during the day that you accepted less? If the answer is yes, either fix it tomorrow by communicating your needs, or make a mental note to challenge it the next time it happens. You‘ll be surprised how good it feels to speak up for yourself.
You’re here to FEEL GOOD. I’m spiritual, but I am not a saint. I’m a woman in a woman’s body, and I have needs. And I am now ready to tell everyone in my life what they are… For the menfolk, you too have needs. Speak your truth. Ask for what you need. You’ll FEEL BETTER.
The more you know about yourself, the more you can share your BEST self with the world. And heal those blind spots. The more awareness you bring to your boundaries, the more you will hold them. The more you hold your boundaries, the happier you will be! Because you owe it to yourself. Love you more than the need for a relationship. Love you more than the need to keep the peace at a price that’s costing you more than what’s it worth. Love you more so that you are building your self-esteem. Take good care of you. Always settle for MORE! Be true to who you are. Because love is not enough. If that love isn’t loving you.
Cheers to LOVING YOU!
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